Kristen had a history of pregnancies, some ended in abortion, some had ended in miscarriage, one even ending in the life she now calls “daughter”.
She knew the wall was there. Kristen spoke of her lack of ability to feel emotion, she spoke of her logical, left-brain that helped her think about her situation in an objective manner. It was those attributions that allowed Kristen to divorce the feelings she has for her daughters from the feelings she might have for her unborn child. Kristen recognized the inconsistencies in her thought process, but she had come to love the wall and wasn’t about to abandon it in the midst of a crisis.
Like many of our clients, Kristen had a Grandma who loved Jesus and a mom who found Him useful sometimes during her journey to healing. But Kristen rejected the idea and instead chose to think of God as a force. And that was understandable. When a person has suffered much at the hands of those who are supposed to love and protect them, the concept of a loving and gracious Heavenly Father can be hard to grasp. But Kristen was open and allowed us to share the Gospel with her.